Ok, so much for the idea that a blog would help get me to write more regularly… Clearly, when I made that plan, I didn’t expect to have to juggle other if life’s duties… Yes, yes, I know, that’s really an excuse. “A writer must find time to write every day,” I’ve heard and read so many times.
These days, I seem to be juggling a lot more than the typical life duties – a part-time retail job, a few volunteering tasks here and there, interspersed with new knit/crochet yarn creations, and still plugging away at an outline based loosely on my own experiences as an adult woman with Asperger’s Syndrome. And when I say ‘loosely based,’ I mean ‘very loosely based.’ It’s a daily struggle to decide and figure out just what I want to share of myself – either by semi-autobiographical novel-potential-screenplay, or via random crafty blog post – what with Anxiety and Self-Doubt peeking over my shoulder.
Sometimes I want to pack it away and give up. But I stick with it – Anxiety in a constant arm wrestle with Perserverance. There’s a bit of Procrastination in there, but I can usually turn that switch off with some chocolate (and randomly scrolling through Pinterest).
There’s a determined sucker in me that insists my story should be told – well, my carefully-revised-for-public-viewing story, anyway. Honestly, I started this, my Asperger’s journey almost 18 years ago – no reason to quit when I now have so many other experiences to feed my story on. I just want to make sure the story is a good one… No, wait, a great one – I think I’m allowed a little modesty. It just takes time to get the story fleshed out to a level that I’m proud of. Oh, I know all the writing tips – just get the first draft down and don’t think about revising/editing/perfecting until the after that first draft. Ha! Easier said than done, with those two or three odd “muses” I mentioned earlier, coupled with the underlying, unnerving Perfectionism that I seem to expect from my work. And is a first draft ever really Perfect???
So here I am. I’m still here. Putting my struggles to paper – or blog screen – in an effort to make them go away. Or at any rate, I’m hoping Anxiety Self-Doubt will host a hotly contested game of trivial pursuit with Procrastination and Perfectionism, where they will all be at each other’s throats… Do muses have throats? And are they really muses? (They’ve been around me so long, they’re beginning to feel that way).
I hope to get something artsy-crafty posted (crochet/knit-related) very soon. And I realize my version of “very soon” may mean six months from now, but bear with me … It’s been an interesting 2015 and I’m still trying to recover.
Thanks for reading up to this point.